Some of my friends know that I’ve almost made a hobby out of writing personal ads. And I’m pretty good at the writing part, although I can’t say I’ve manifested many connections out of them. That doesn’t seem to matter to me, it’s the writing that I enjoy! Although I am getting clearer that loving partnership would be lovely in my life again – I’m ready and determined that I’m more capable than ever. And really, I miss the spooning. So here’s the latest incarnation – wordy as all get out – I’ve already received a wide range of responses, from some telling me I’ve got wayyyy too much to say to another re-working it and sending me his edited version (the nerve! – not really, I thought it was funny), to others telling me it was the very best personal ad they’ve ever read, to another letting me know that I’ve destroyed pea soup for him forever, to another telling me I’ve got the making of a one-woman show in it (he’s already gotten a response from me!). It’s in the form and uses categories from an on-line dating site. Funny, it feels way more vulnerable putting this out to people I know, but I’m practicing having my writing be real, so here I go with more of that:
Are You Ready for the REAL Rapture?
My Self Summary
(Get comfortable and maybe even grab a beverage. This is gonna take a while – brevity has never been my strong suit and it seems I’ve got a lot to say.)
I’ve just returned to the Bay Area (primarily the North Bay, where I lived for 20+ years) after a 5-month solitary sojourn through Southeast Asia. I’ll be here for a while before returning to Puna on the Big Island of Hawaii, the place I’ve most recently called ‘home.’ But then? Who knows? I can be or go anywhere that Spirit and Love guide me — is that toward you?
I’m a middle-aged, not middle-of-the-road vulnerable and powerful woman who is ready and available to co-create an enduring partnership of the heart. I feel and inquire deeply; am moved to tears by the beauty of nature, music and poetry; and believe that more laughter and silliness just may be the most highly prized and necessary ingredients on the wise road toward enlightenment, or at the very least for our continued evolution. I am capable and competent, yet I know a little something about humility, too. I also know how to listen and pay attention; and I’ve learned that showing up, with all of who we are, is the best any of us has to offer. I don’t need to be completed or rescued, nor do you; but we recognize that sharing the journey of love and life, in all its dimensions, makes both of us more whole.
I love to hike and be out in nature doing just about anything; the natural world is my “house of worship”, and I spend as much time as possible in warm moving water, forests and places I’ve never been before. A warm sun rounds out the picture. I don’t do cold weather. I leave the skiing and mountain climbing to … well, to the skiers and mountain climbers. I also know how to play in the big cities. There’s a gypsy in my soul who loves not knowing what’s around the corner and there’s a homebody who loves to create the cozy comforts of home. I prefer international, 3rd world traveling, but I also love to explore and discover close-to-home adventures – wherever it may be, a partner to share the oooohs and aaaahs of delight is wonderfully welcome.
I love being in circle with kindred spirits, whether we are singing, sharing deeply, laughing or being silent – it’s all great pleasure for me. My inner authority and intuition are well honed and are my finest navigational tools. I am an ENFP in the Myers-Briggs world.
I’ve worked my entire career as a psychotherapist in a variety of settings – private practice, agencies and most recently and for the longest time, doing hospice work. It’s the work that has taught me the most about living and treating this life as the temporary gift that it is; so I am determined to continue to live purposefully, with deep gratitude and recognition that all that really matters is love. Whether that includes employment is up for grabs at the moment.
I don’t adhere to or particularly value this culture’s narrow standards of what counts for beauty. Your height, weight, and even your age (along with various other demographic details) matter little to me — it’s your life experience, energy and attitude that I’m interested in. I am fit and very comfortable in my body. If ‘slender’ is what you’re looking for, though, you’ll have to move right along because I live in a more traditionally-built body. If you’re still here — I also recognize that the mystery and chemistry of attraction are very real, although in my experience, not based on body size or shape. Even photos or these words on a screen can’t reveal that elusive quality — it takes physicality, looking into each other’s eyes and saying ‘yes.’
I am certainly interested in a connection that includes the erotic in its many and extraordinary forms, but no sex is casual for me. I have an active and imaginative libido and I know how to ‘use’ it. I know my way around ‘sacred sexuality’ and have worked and played in those circles a lot. Although I have experimented in the open relationship and “poly” paradigm, what I will call ‘conscious (not compulsory) monogamy’ is more my current interest. Please save both of us time and energy if casual, nsa, fwb or ftf encounters are what you’re looking for, because you will not find them or a response to the size of your genitals here.
I’m not into spectator sports of any kind and I haven’t owned a television for decades. I don’t think I’ve missed much in either regard. I do like a good film, though, and live performances even more. I’m no stranger to the dance floor or the yoga mat. I clean up pretty well, although I prefer the comfortable to the constrained, in clothing as well as composure. I’ve thankfully grown beyond the urge to be outrageous just for the shock value, although I can still conjure the provocateur when it seems like a little stirring of the pot might make things more interesting. I’m a writer and a fledgling singer and both bring me great joy. I wonder what sets your heart and creativity aflutter and makes time stand still or pass by without you even noticing.
I’m allergic to dogma, absolutes, complaining and cynicism — you won’t find an audience or ear for much of anything of that from me. I also think pea soup is pretty creepy — it looks like something that ought to come out rather than go in — but I’ll try not to hold it against you if it’s on your list of favorites. I think conspiracy theorists are even creepier. So, if you’re a conspiracy theorist who likes pea soup and is looking for casual sex, we’re likely not a heaven-sent match.
Recognizing that it’s time and I’m ready to share my life in soulful intimate partnership.
Learning to be as loving of a human being as I possibly can.
Learning to wish that everything should come to pass exactly as it does.
Finding my way in foreign places
Oh yeah, and spelling
The mischievous sparkle in my eyes. Or so I’m told. Maybe you can weigh in on this, too. I’m taking a poll.
Writers: Mary Oliver, David Whyte, Terry Tempest Williams, Alice Walker, Walt Whitman, John O’Donohue, Thomas Moore, Starhawk, Kurt Vonnegut, Chris Bohjalian, Barbara Kingsolver, David Sedaris, Susie Bright, David Schnarch, Anne Lamott, Rumi, Jon Krakauer, James Broughton, Edward Abbey, Sue Monk Kidd, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Carl Jung, Hafiz, and a kazillion more.
Movies: Chocolat, Amelie
Prefer Indies and Foreign
If it must be Hollywood, then I like Susan Sarandon, Meryl Streep, Robert Downey, Jr., Johnny Depp, Jack Nicholson and a few others I’ll remember and come back and fill in later.
Music: Bonnie Raitt, Brother IZ, Choral Music (Chanticleer, SFGMC, Waimea Community Chorus, Puna Men’s Chorus, The Outer Cape Chorale and more), Keali’i Reichel, Boz Scaggs, John Hiatt, Michael Franti, Deva Premal, Sweet Honey in the Rock, Delbert McClinton, Kate Wolf, Nana Maskouri, Jennifer Berezan, Andrea Bocelli, Aretha, Tina, Gipsy Kings, Van Morrison, Brother Noland, Motown, Diane Reeves, Prince, Edwin Hawkins Singers, Amalia Rodrigues, Hot Buttered Rum … and way more
Food: Fresh, local, in season
Anything from my modest garden
Mediterranean, Thai, Italian, Vietnamese, Greek, Indian
Kale, Quinoa and Ben & Jerry’s
Buttery, Oak-y Chardonnay
Italian Red Wine
Chocolate Tantric Pie (ask me about this!)
Ice Cold Ruby Red Watermelon on a sweltering hot day
Raw or very rare ahi
Summer Rolls from Nings in Pahoa
Anything on the menu at the Garden Snack Club in Hilo
Bruschetta from the incredible bruschetta restaurant in Petaluma
1. The Sea
2. The Life Force Energy of Eros
9. My passport
10. Deciding for myself how many items oughta be on this list
The six things I can do without:
2. Cold weather
3. Pea Soup
7. Rules for Rules Sake
10. Evangelism, including the New Age variety
How incredibly fortunate I am.
How to manifest an enlivening, loving partnership.
Where my next trip will be.
How not to have an employer again.
What a silly question!
Here’s a totally unrelated and extremely lengthy answer:
While I’m not interested in laundry lists of what potential partners must or must not be (I find them unrealistic at best, and rigid and ridiculous at worst); I have come up with a list of another sort. Here are some qualities and quirks I hold in high regard and aspire to within myself. Some may even be foundational for healthy and vibrant people and relationships, let alone the planet. Some come with tongue firmly in cheek. I’m far from mastering them all and wouldn’t believe anyone who says they are; but hey, life’s a process, yes?! While it’s lengthy, it’s hardly exhaustive; and perhaps you have some of your own to add.
☼ Someone who likes lists.
☼ Someone who is soft and solid.
☼ Someone of substance and spirit.
☼ Someone who is aroused by the word.
☼ Someone to go out with and come home to.
☼ Someone who is no stranger to awe and alchemy.
☼ Someone who can captivate me from across a room.
☼ Someone for whom eating is essentially a sensual act.
☼ Someone who has a passport and isn’t afraid to use it.
☼ Someone who knows how to kiss for kissing’s sake alone.
☼ Someone who has created a life of their own worth sharing.
☼ Someone who practices gratitude and counts their blessings.
☼ Someone who prefers to engage in dialogue rather than debate.
☼ Someone who understands that Eros is way more than sexuality.
☼ Someone capable of discerning between the sacred and the drivel.
☼ Someone who is nowhere near perfect, but is perfectly themselves.
☼ Someone who knows that, in spite of this list, love is really all there is.
☼ Someone whose eyes light up in witnessing the good fortune of others.
☼ Someone who understands why the term ‘dark chocolate’ is redundant.
☼ Someone for whom spooning, pillow talk and reading aloud are sublime.
☼ Someone who can soothe and be soothed with a caress, a gaze or a giggle.
☼ Someone who is flexible & grounded, patient & determined, kind & truthful.
☼ Someone who has the courage to buck the tide and the sense not to make waves.
☼ Someone who would be more at home in an intentional community than a gated one.
☼ Someone who values curiosity, adventure, depth, presence and sensuality, for starters.
☼ Someone who knows that integrity is measured by what we do when no one’s looking.
☼ Someone who is easily seduced by the allure of the foreign, the unknown and the mysterious.
☼ Someone who values the excitement of spontaneity and knows when it time to ask for directions.
☼ Someone who knows when the moment calls for reverence and when only an off-color joke will do.
☼ Someone who enjoys their own company, finds solace in solitude and also relishes the comfort of kinship.
☼ Someone who can laugh and cry and share tenderness in the middle of the night and the middle of the day.
☼ Someone who is aware of the shadow and is doing their ‘work’ to own what’s theirs and not take on what isn’t.
☼ Someone who’s been around plenty of blocks, but is still open to and enchanted by the yet-to-be-explored ones.
☼ Someone who recognizes how little they know for sure, yet is psychologically and emotionally intelligent and aware.
☼ Someone different enough to bump up against respectfully, yet kindred enough to make words sometimes superfluous.
☼ Someone who prefers to be awake to and engaged with all of life’s dimensions, not only those labeled ‘good,’ or ‘positive.’
☼ Someone for whom manners are not out-moded, courtesy has not gone the way of petticoats and civility is worth consideration.
☼ Someone who knows how to spell and put sentences together in some semblance of order; or at the very least knows where the spell-check key is and uses it.
☼ Someone who understands that honesty is fundamental, but that candor is not always called for and who has the skills to distinguish what’s called for in the moment.
☼ Someone who recognizes conflict as natural energy that arises between people and trusts that what really matters in those moments is self-reflection and responsibility.
☼ Someone who holds the intention and uses the resolution skills they’ve developed without reverting to projection, blame, ridicule, withholding and needing to be right above all else.
☼ Someone whose sense of humor is frequent but not constant; absurd but not stupid; smart but not arrogant; self-deprecating but not belittling and ironic but not caustically sarcastic.
☼ Someone who is deeply committed to, and sometimes confounded but not thwarted by the dance of intimacy and the balance of delving profoundly with another while staying fully grounded in self.
☼ Someone who is familiar enough with their past wounds to recognize when they’re triggered and yet has healed them enough so that they don’t predominate or overly interfere with the present.
☼ Someone who knows how to stay when the going gets challenging, let go when necessary and revel in the natural flow which comes from a connection that is sometimes delightfully effortless.
☼ Someone who understands that monogamy is one option; a choice which needs to be intentional, fluid and open for refinement and negotiation, rather than an assumed, static, default and forever one.
☼ Someone who knows we’re all one and connected yet is also no stranger to the human condition of existential angst, loneliness, fear and separation; but who doesn’t become hardened or hopeless as a result.
☼ Someone who has the audacity to be hopeful and yet is realistically concerned enough with what we face as a global community to be compelled to become a change agent, no matter the scale or significance.
☼ Someone whose inner voice is their primary compass and who trusts their own authority and intuition above all others; yet is self-secure enough to be receptive to and enthusiastically encouraging of loving mirrors.
☼ Someone for whom sexual partnership is first and foremost love made manifest, play, pleasure, power and surrender, coming home, an avenue for experimentation, making room for differences, a path to the Divine, and always, always lovingly consensual.
☼ Someone who noticed, without looking back on it right now, how I’ve arranged this list and who maybe thinks it’s weird, compulsive, or that I’ve got too much time on my hands; but who also thinks it’s funny and even kinda sweet, and who is, after all, still reading.
Is something that will wait until I’m looking into your eyes to tell you about. I’m not much into privacy, but I prefer these kinds of exchanges without a computer screen between us.
Okay, I’ll admit it, I used to like the Captain and Tennille.
- Guys who like girls
- Ages 18-99
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
- For long-term dating
You are open, available, curious, and ready to embark on co-creating an adventure of a loving partnership …
Or something you have read here touches your heart or resonates somewhere in your soul …
Or you want to jump on a plane and meet up with me in this fantastically, incredibly wonderful world we live in and share in the journey of experiencing the beauty of people and places all around the globe …
Or you’ve found your head more than frequently nodding and/or your lips involuntarily turning up over and over as you’ve been reading. If so, perhaps we oughta chat. Soon. The virtual thing can be flirtatious fun, but it’s too damn time-consuming and often doesn’t survive seeing the whites of each other’s eyes. Better, I say, if there’s mutual interest, that we take it offline with a sip of something sooner than later …
Or … ???